When It All Goes Down.

I'm going to start all over again. I haven't been following my set of rules, therefore I have gained even more weight than I was to begin with. Although I check the scales everyday, I do not believe in it much. The numbers go down, yet I look like I have packed on a lot of weight. It gives me false messages, in which I cannot accept.

I'm thinking about biking to the library sometime soon, to print some papers, but I'm wondering if I will be able to make it back home. I have decided that I will go work out at Pathfinder park everyday until I can get myself a gym pass. I can probably read a book on the playground during break as well. It will be peaceful and amusing. My mind has filled up with unnecessary thoughts and I wish to make it disappear.

Soon I will be on my hunt for a job, and I'm hoping to succeed. I cannot go any further like this. No longer will I be hiding in some other human's shadow, I will have my own.

DAY 29.

Today I ate:

Breakfast

6 mini bread crackers

*Ham

*Cheese

Lunch

1 Lee's sandwich

Dinner

Claim Jumpers!

-__-

109 lbs

DAY 27.

110.5 lbs

DAY 25.

Today I ate:

2 tablespoons of Apple Cider Vinegar

Breakfast

3 mini Wheat pancakes

*Syrup

*Strawberry Jam

Lunch

2 Waffles

*Chocolate syrup

*Syrup

Dinner

1 bowl of fried rice

*Cilantro

*Green onions

*1 egg

20 Potato chips

*Lime juice

108.5 lbs

DAY 24.

Today I ate:

Breakfast

3 baby Tangerines

6 mini Wheat pancakes

*Syrup

*Strawberry Jam

7 spoons of Ice Cream

Lunch

Mongolian Grill

Dinner

Plates of Potato chips

4 Korean Squash pancakes

1/4 Jalapeno Cream cheese bread

WOW, I completely over ate today. Everything was going so well and out of nowhere I just couldn't stop. I think it's better when I eat at home. I'm going to make a new set of rules.

1. NO JUNK FOOD, whether it seems or IS healthy. No crackers, no nothing.

2. No candy. I always say, one is going to do nothing. But once I take one candy, I tend to say it again and the numbers just start adding up. As well as calories.

3. Exercise EVERYDAY. Whether it's jogging for 20 minutes, or taking a 30 minute walk, to a 5 minute workout.

4.DRINK APPLE CIDER VINEGAR EVERY MORNING. I always forget to do this, so I'll have to start making a more convenient reminder.

5. Continue drinking plenty of water and Green tea.

6. Eat FIVE TIMES a day, instead of three.

If I KNOW how to do all this, I'm pretty sure losing weight wouldn't be as hard as it is now.

If only I can get my hands on a 24 fitness pass. Or if only I could sneak in like I always used to, haha. But I probably don't have the guts to do so anymore. I wonder how I did back then.

Anyways, I'm still wondering when I can make pajama pants with the Hello Kitty fabric that Jeff got me. I'm excited to work on it because I actually need pajama pants, haha! I was also thinking about making a fitted dress that I can wear at home. Or to sleep. I can probably make a top and shorts too, haha! The fabric design is something more like what you would wear at home, rather than the public, so thats the only ideas I have for now. I'm pretty excited to think of what I can make with this fabric. I hope I have the time soon! I'm really looking forward to it :)

110 lbs

DAY 23.

Today I ate:

Breakfast

1 Tangerine

1 Full Peanut butter and Jelly sandwich

Lunch

1/2 Lees sandwhich

1/2 M&M minis

1 Rice Krispies

Dinner

1 bowl of Rice

*Seaweed paper

1 bag of Peanuts

2 Tangerines

Anyways, today was one of the worst day ever. I had to follow Brian oppa and Yono everywhere to study network marketing and I thought I was going to die of boredom. It was not the right day for me to walk around everywhere. I found out that Charlene broke up with Brian and I felt bad cause in a couple of days it would have been their 3rd year anniversary.

Finally, I came home at 11p.m. and found everyone talking in Janice's room. Everyone as in Grace, Andrew, Edward, Janice and Brendon. We all just ended up talking and chilling. It was fun. Then me and Ed took a quick bike trip to 7eleven to meet up with Jeff, and the rest and got in trouble by my mom when we came back. But it wasn't that bad.

Being the retard that I am, ate Peanuts because I was hungry. My breathing became difficult but not to the point where I needed to go to the ER, thankfully. Never will I do that again. Our bill for the last ER visit was 715 dollars. Wow. Just for waiting, walking in, talking for 5 minutes, and leaving. Are you kidding me?

1o8.5 lbs

DAY 22.

Today I ate:

2 Tablespoons of Apple Cider Vinegar

Breakfast

1 Korean Kimchi and Shrimp pancake

Lunch

1/2 Spicy Italian Subway

1 Oatmeal cookie

Snack

1 Lowfat Chocolate Milk

Dinner

About 10 of each:

Kimchi

Beef

Seaweed

Tofu

Extra

4-5 scoops of Coldstone Chocolate Caramel ice cream

I have to stop eating more than I'm supposed to. The amount of food I'm eating keeps adding on as the days go by.

I'm getting NOWHERE. lkfjalsdjfla, how fustrating! I HAVE to exercise, even if I don't feel like it. I'm going to run at least a little everyday. And some crunches as well.

Every Saturday morning, I'm going to get my ass up early, and go to the school track to jog until I can barely stand.

My body feels fat, and it just seems like the number on the scale is the only thing thats changing.

I want to feel skinny.

Everything's a lot harder than I thought.

Fuck me-_-.

109.5 lbs <-FAIL.

DAY 21.

Today I ate:

Breakfast

1 Banana

Lunch

1 Whole wheat Sandwich

*1 1/2 Tomatoes

*1 1/4 Cheese

*1 Tablespoon Butter

*2 Turkey Ham

Snack

5 baby Tangerine

3 tablespoons of Applesauce

Dinner

2-3 tablespoons of rice

*Sauce

*Egg yolk

*Bean Sprouts

3-5 Korean chive pancakes

*Sauce

Extra

1 baby Tangerine

Crap, I ate too much for dinner-_-. I'm going to jog it all off in a bit. I feel so guilty after I eat so much. I need to stop doing that.

107.5 lbs

DAY 20.

Thanks Stella for telling me to listen to "Thinking Of You by Katy Perry". I love it, haha.

Today I did a shitload of studying. I'm surprised at how much I'm willing to do to get an A in English, haha. Which also reminds me that I still have to finish my G.E.D. I think I should go during the days where I don't have school. I should really take advantage of it. I'm a little behind on previewing the Chapters, so I think I'll start on it next week or so.

My moms birthday is coming up and I'm so excited for it! I wish I had a job so I can buy her a Chanel bag or something nice from Marc Jacobs, but sadly I don't. I guess I'll have to put that on hold. I wonder what I should do for her. I want to make it really special because we didn't do anything for her last year. Family dinner is a must-do. I just don't know what we can get her..

I'll think about it later, haha.

Today I ate:

Breakfast

5 Baby Carrots

10 small pieces of Cucumber

*DaengJang

Lunch

20-30 Cheddar Sunchips

Dinner

3 Rice Paper wraps

*Carrots

*Cucumber

*Lettuce

*Cilantro

*Egg Yolk

*Oyster sauce

*Pineapple

2 cups of Green tea

107.5 lbs

DAY 19.

Today I ate:

Breakfast

1 bowl of Spicy Korean Beef soup

Lunch

1 Choco Pie

5 Cheddar Sunchips

1 Corn Pancake

15 Chicken Intestines

Dinner

1 Egg yolk

1-2 plates of Korean radish

Extras

4 Pineapples

4 Cheddar Sunchips

I can't really tell if my face is getting better or if its just staying the same. Because at morning and night time it looks like it's getting better. But during the day, it looks like it got worse. It's so hard to tell-_-. I'm waiting impatiently for my Elle, Nylon, Vogue magazines to come in. I can't wait, haha. Some time this week I'm going to go to Cefiore with Jeff and my brother to see if they can hook me up with a job there since they know one of the managers. I'm crossing my fingers on this.

I got my meal planned for tomorrow. Pretty much because it's what I'm craving for at the moment, haha-_-!

Breakfast-Sunchips

Lunch-Chapagetti (half of it)

Dinner-Whatever my mother makes.

Today I went a little overboard on eating, so I plan on doing some crunches after this. After that, I'm going to end my night with a little bit of Vocabulary review. Yes, I'm learning words from the dictionary-_-, haha. It's quite fun actually.

I got a random mood swing a while ago. Some things just really piss me off. I don't even want to talk about it. I'm just going to go with the flow of whatever goes.

108.5 lbs